Meet my F-A-M-I-L-Y
by Midori-Emmi
Summary: Now that the two are officially together, what comes next? Meeting the parents of course! While they ace everyone else with their basketball skills, the KuroBas boys cannot skip the most crucial part of sustaining their relationships - getting the parents' approval! However with the players' interesting personalitites, asking for normal families may just be a bit too much...
1. MidoTaka (Takao's family)

**Riiiiigghht. I wrote the bulk of this in the wee hours of the morning so please pardon my weird humour.**

**I intend to make this a chapter-ed fic with GoM members meeting with their respective boyfriends' parents. I'm willing to do multiple pairings for one character but thats just a plan for now.**

**Kazumi-chan here is a far cry from _CUTE is a 4-letter word_, simply because.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the rest of Takao's family other than him. I can only drink latte and dream while on coffee high.**

**Warning(s): Crack, language, MidoTaka, boy's love, Takao's parents, sanity-corroding content...add more if you deem fit.**

* * *

Should go.

Should not go.

Should go.

Should not go.

Should go.

Should not go.

Should go…

…damn, that was the last petal.

Midorima Shintarou just scowled harder at the poor, now petal-less daisy that had been his lucky item for the day. As it lay there in the bin, mocking him in all it's bald glory, he thought back to the dire situation at hand. No, it was not Akashi calling him up to tell him his new ambition was combining basketball with ballet to form some new kind of fusion art form.

The mere imagery sends the greenhead shivering. However, there is something far worse than even this.

Ok, so first off, some explanation. He and Takao Kazunari had been dating for two months with the complete approval ("WHAT!? THERE IS NO WAY I WILL ALLOW THIS!"– Miyaji) of the senpai-tachi and generally the entire basketball club. Dating had been all purple unicorns (because purple unicorns are very lucky, says Oha Asa's website), rainbows and flowers…until that fateful day.

"Shin-chan, my parents want to meet you!"

Then, the rainbow faded, the purple unicorns turned into an unlucky shade of sky blue, and the flowers withered so bad he had to throw them away.

In any case, that was how he ended up on the doorstep of the Takao household with his too-relaxed boyfriend in tow, and his lucky item in hand. The item of honour for today is the Shiragaki holding a basketball from the day of Shutoku's match against Seirin. It is bulky like crap and has the weight of an overweight toddler, but since meeting the family of your significant other requires everything that luck has to offer (hey the line rhymes)…it gets a VIP seat in his arms.

"Tadaima! Okaa-san, I brought Shin-chan with me today!"

Takao shouts, completely ignoring the consequences of the 101 ways that his family could take that nickname-calling wrongly. A woman just a little shorter than him comes out of the kitchen, her beautiful dark blue hair in a half-bun. A man with black hair as dark as coal stands behind her, his silvery-blue eyes sharp and unyielding.

A tiny girl tugs at Midorima's shirt, her large light green eyes staring into his. The woman clears her throat and speaks when all attention is on her.

"Ah, so you're the 'Shin-chan' Kazunari's been obsessed with since the start of the year."

"Mom! I'm not obsessed…"

"Um…yes. My name is Midorima Shintarou, Takao-sa-"

"…I am just unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him!"

Midorima wondered who to throttle for letting his easily-influenced boyfriend read sappy romance stories about sparkling vampires, and convince him that the quotes actually worked in practical situations. Takao kaa-san nodded solemnly at her son's words. Takao tou-san regarded Midorima with his evil eyes that did not exactly look evil but were called that because it sounded cool.

"Hm…irresponsibly in love with this person, I see…"

"…Dad, it's 'irrevocably'."

"Do not try to outsmart me, young man."

And by that, the shooting guard concluded that Takao's father was a very smart man…once upon a time at the least. They move to the living room where everyone has a seat and Midorima prepares himself for doomsday.

"Hm…is that a Shiragaki you're holding?"

Oh god oh god why target the lucky item first the lucky item is innocent why just why did they have to see the lucky item she could have just ignored it and asked something simpler like why some humans are bisexual and others are not or something like that-

"Yes."

Crap, answering that was harder than he thought.

Takao kaa-san seems to sense his inner turmoil about the porcelain animal and stops asking about it. She changes the topic.

"So, Kazunari. You are dating Shintarou-kun now?"

"Yup."

"You do realise that you have to take this seriously?"

"Yup."

"And you also realise that you are robbing the female population of an eligible, charming and handsome bachelor?"

"Yup."

Somehow, Midorima got the feeling Takao kaa-san was missing a very important point.

Takao tou-san stood up about five minutes later when his wife was done with her brand of making sure her son was making the right life decisions ("Ah, they grow up so fast. It only seemed like yesterday you ran naked around the house in front of our rela-" "Mom, please stop. Just stop.") and focused his evil-but-not-actually-evil eyes on Midorima. He then raised a hand with 3 fingers up, because it looked awesome.

"I will ask three questions. And I shall decide whether or not to approve of your relationship depending on your answers. Are you ready, Shiruko?"

"His name is Shintarou, Dad."

"Don't try to outsmart me, son."

The greenhead tried to convince himself that it would be ok. All with a success rate of negative hundred and ten percent.

"I am ready, Takao-san."

The two men stood opposite each other, the wind ruffling their hair and their clothes dramatically, as battle music started playing in the background.

"Question one. Do you agree that Kazunari is the cutest, most adorable, most lovely being that you have ever set your insignificant and ugly eyes on?"

"Yes, I agree."

_**Midorima dodged the 'Poison Darts of Insult'. Attack status: Missed. **_

Alright, he could do this. Now, to ace the next question.

Takao tou-san then adopted the blank and mysterious expression that all final bosses in samurai movies have before they get down to the epic battle at the end where they always get defeated by the protagonist simply because the director wanted it so.

"Question two. Do you believe in being awesome?"

"Um…yes I suppose, if the situation calls for it."

_**Midorima got hit by the 'Spear of Nonsense'. Attack status: It was slightly effective.**_

To be honest, the bespectacled boy, for the life of him, could not think of what could possibly fall into Takao tou-san's category of awesome. He also, could not think of a reason why the man would even ask him such a question.

"Question three. Scrambled eggs or boiled eggs?"

"…scrambled?"

_**Midorima got hit by 'Sanity-draining Arrows'. Attack status: It was super effective.**_

The man continues staring at Midorima while he stares back, and for 5 seconds neither moves, the wind tousling their hair and the battle music reaching its climax. All is silent when Takao-imouto returns the fan to its normal setting and Takao kaa-san turns off the stereo.

Takao tou-san then brings up his hand in a gesture, nodding in approval.

"I approve of you dating Kazunari."

"Dad, that's your middle finger."

"Don't try to mock me, Kazunari. I know what I'm doing."

As the taller boy watched his boyfriend's father not-so-subtly change to his thumb only under the glare of his wife, he got the sinking feeling that Takao tou-san either had a problem with finger-brain coordination or he really hated him. There was a high chance it was the latter. Takao kaa-san shook her head and moved to pinch her husband's cheek.

"You asked Shintarou-kun the third question only because you couldn't decide yourself, am I right?"

"Owowowow…well yeah, I lost two nights of sleep over it!"

"The first question was barely alright, and even an idiot can tell the other two were bullshit. I am so disappointed in you, Kazuki…"

Midorima felt so overjoyed to know that at least Takao kaa-san was sane (and that Takao-imouto already had her earplugs on)…

"…you should have asked him if I should use ripe or unripe bananas in that new recipe! I lost FOUR nights of sleep over that!"

…or not. The jersey number 6 was wondering if he should pity and sympathise with the woman about her bout of insomnia, or just find the nearest available wall to help himself deal with the lack of common sense within the room. Takao Kazunari cleared his throat loudly so that everyone looked at him.

And because he had no active role in the past two pages except to be dissed by his father for his completely reasonable inserts, the jersey number 10 had to make an extra dramatic comeback by clearing his throat with all the power his vocal cords could offer.

"Mom, Dad. How about you two put aside your erm…discussion about eggs and bananas and have a nice talk about my relationship?"

Midorima wonders if anyone else heard the contradiction, and a second meaning in the above statement.

* * *

**xXF-A-M-I-L-YXx**

* * *

"Shintarou-kun, could you come here for a moment?"

"Takao-san?"

She looked to the right, then to the left, and beckoned him to bend down to her level.

"Before my husband gets back, I think I need to tell you that he has a son complex, not a daughter complex."

Among all the things he has heard so far, Midorima finds this one the easiest to believe. Takao-imouto sits there doing her homework while looking like pretty doll, and he pities her (sort of) for not having an overprotective father to keep her away from the hands of bad boys when she gets older.

They return to discussing when Takao tou-san comes back from the kitchen with a knife holder full of knives ("WTH KNIVES?!" – Inner Midorima) and a knife sharpener. He pulls out a random one and starts sharpening. Takao sweatdrops and unconsciously scoots closer to his partner. Of course this does not go unnoticed by his father's evil-but-not-evil eyes.

"Oh right I forgot, we have yet to introduce ourselves. I am Kazuki, this is my wife Ayaka, and this is my daughter Kazumi."

"DIDN'T YOU REALISE THIS TOO LATE AND DON'T SAY THAT WHILE SMILING AND SHARPENING A KNIFE AT THE SAME TIME!"…were the thoughts of both Takao (the son) and Midorima. The man continued speaking as he scrutinized the blade.

"To tell the truth, no one will ever be good enough for my son. But since he has fallen for you, I shall have no choice…"

He points the tip of the knife just a centimeter from the shooting guard's nose.

"…but to get serious in my mission to get rid of yo- I mean, get rid of your doubts surrounding my beloved firstborn."

Midorima is pretty sure Takao tou-san said he wanted to get rid of him. He has no time to think about it as the first bomb comes flying.

"Alright, which one of you is the bottom?"

The two Shutoku freshmen give each other questioning looks (because come on was it so hard to guess?) before they turn back and Takao points to himself with a raised eyebrow.

"I am, tou-san."

And instead of yelling or fainting in shock at his only son willingly stripping himself of his manly dignity to take on the woman's role like any normal father would, Takao tou-san goes misty-eyed and wipes away a tear.

"My son…you have grown up…"

The greenhead wonders if he should do his boyfriend a favor and book his father in for a checkup at the most well-known mental asylum in the area. The point guard will definitely be thankful to him for it. Midorima's wonderful thoughts are interrupted when Takao tou-san clears his throat after wiping away his manly tears.

"Ok, so I ask that you promise to protect, cherish and love my adorable and cute son always. Can you do that, Midorima Shintarou-kun?"

So Takao tou-san could actually be serious if he wanted to. Of course, the bespectacled teen replies with a serious nod and agreement of his own. Takao just blushes ("The two adjectives in the middle were completely unnecessary!") and sits silently. Takao kaa-san smiles in both happiness and relief that her husband did not screw it up this time like he did with the other ten before.

The man drinks from his cup of water, and suddenly he gets such a great idea that he forgets he is holding a dangerous weapon in his dominant hand as it shoots up to point at the ceiling like in cartoons. The ones where the main characters get the idea light bulb above their heads and need a finger to switch it off.

The knife slices a few strands of Midorima's hair clean off and embeds itself into the wall just millimeters shy of his ear.

"Hey, why don't I tell you boys about my past relationships?"

Takao had a feeling this wasn't a very good idea. His father seemed to however, and proceeded to take a swig out of his glass of water as if it was a cup of beer.

"Your old man was pretty popular back when he was younger. I was still in the experimenting stage so I did not limit myself. Ah, I still remember the first guy I dated, he was so charming and such a playboy. The second guy was rough, didn't like him very much. The third gu-"

Takao tou-san did not get to finish, for he did get a large bump on his head courtesy of his missus.

"DON'T TALK ABOUT PAST LOVERS IN FRONT OF YOUR WIFE YA JERK!"

And she did proceed to attack every available part of her husband's head with the help of Sir Rolling Pin. While this was going on the two youths sat side by side, unmoving at the sight unfolding in front of them. Takao tou-san still found the strength to smile even with the physical abuse.

"I LOVE YOU TOO MY DARLING~!"

Thus Takao Kazunari and his boyfriend ("…I didn't know your dad is a masochist." "Neither did I.") remained perfect imitations of stone statues until the couple calmed down and they were once more seated with his father holding some ice to his bruising face.

"Shintarou-kun. I would like you to be honest and tell me how far you have gone with Kazunari in terms of physical contact."

Midorima looked to his partner for reassurance before clearing his throat and pushing up his glasses.

"We have held hands and…kissed."

The look in Takao tou-san's eyes was that of shock and betrayal. Wait, betrayal?! The man sniffed and started bawling loudly.

"*sobs* How could you do this to my precious son?! You have violated him!"

Suddenly, the greenhead felt very guilty.

"I mean…that's MY job! I was supposed to be the one to-"

And just as suddenly, that feeling of guilt transformed into the indescribable urge to grab the nearest object and aim it at the man's head. Fortunately and unfortunately, the rest of the Takaos beat him to it. Takao tou-san fell to the floor after four items hit him in the head at the same time. Midorima saw Sir Rolling Pin, Major Empty Knife Holder ("WTF" – 6 and 10), Sergeant Basketball, and Lieutenant Naked Barbie on the floor next to him.

The tall teen then realized how lucky little Kazumi-chan was for her father to be overprotective of his son instead.

"DAD, HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

"You horrible man how could you even think about doing such a thing to your own son?!"

"Don't bully nii-san!"

And everyone had to pause for a moment because the little girl was just too cute with her pout and puffed up cheeks. The commotion only died down after Takao tou-san promised not to pull anymore of his son-complex things.

"Ok, so you're telling me that a kiss is the furthest the both of you have gone?"

"Hm? Of course not! We've made out."

Midorima wondered what he had done in his past life for the person he loved to send him to his death like that. He steeled himself for another round of knife-dodging until he heard the man bawling again.

"I am too young to be a grandfather!"

"And I a grandmother!"

The two students decided it was an opportune time to sneak into the kitchen for some refreshments while the two adults were bawling their eyes out for a scenario that was not even remotely possible. They camped in there for as long as possible and only headed back when they finished their drinks and were prepared for another round of common sense draining to take place.

"…and dammit I already said bunnies are so much cuter than those disgusting slobbering creatures you call dogs, Ayaka!"

"Bunnies do nothing but eat and poop all day! Dogs are much better because…"

How in the name of shiruko did they get from the topic of Takao's innocence to…? Even the boy in question shrugged while smiling nervously at his family's antics. Both their phones suddenly sounded with the message tone. Both moved to the hallway and and opened them up to find identical messages from Ootsubo-san telling them of new changes to the practice schedule for the rest of the week.

Shrugging, Midorima went back to the living room while the other went to the toilet.

"…no no no! Purple would look horrible on him, it clashes with his eyes!"

"Which is why I said orange would be the best colour for his wedding gown! Not only is it bright, it signifies…"

He thoroughly regretted it.

* * *

**xXF-A-M-I-L-YXx**

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I met Kazunari's parents today. Our meeting, to be honest, was very detrimental to my mental health. I now thank every deity up there for bringing me together with him. I deeply regret even thinking he had a screw loose, and I sincerely hope the deities can forgive me. He is in fact the sanest in his family, and I hope it stays that way._

_=Shintarou=_

* * *

**_~Owari~_**

* * *

**I blame this all on my headcanon.**

**My decision to either mark this as a complete oneshot or continue with other pairings is heavily dependent on the response to this^^ So if you have enjoyed it, do review! Or favourite it. Can't do you much harm, can it?**

**Posted: 18/02/2013 (dd/mm/yyyy)**


	2. KagaKuro (Kuroko's family)

**Sooo…I managed to finish up this one pretty quick. I mean, KagaKuro is so fun to write.**

**Also, this chapter was inspired by Frog-kun's chapter 1 of **_**The Legend of Kuroman**_**, so there might be some similarities, but as far as possible I tried making it different. So please, don't flame! T.T**

**Disclaimer: I only own volumes 1 and 2 of the KnB anime fanbooks which I'm holding right now.**

**Warning(s): Crack, language, KagaKuro, boy's love, Kuroko's parents, sanity corroding content…add more if you deem fit.**

* * *

Kagami Taiga is a very proud and headstrong person.

Because he is a Leo and the symbol of Leos is a lion which can boss even Cancers around ("Oi! It was only for that one day, nanodayo!" – Midorima) and thus he is automatically headstrong. That and his parents too thought he was so awesome that they had to name him 'Fire God Big Me' just so everyone else could also see how awesome he was.

Right. So what was such a proud basketball player doing at the corner of the classroom rocking back and forth like after the time Kuroko had put Nigou on his head?

Oh yes. Kuroko Tetsuya. His boyfriend whom he never noticed at first glance.

"Kagami-kun. My parents want to meet you."

Well, that was to be expected. They had been dating for quite a while already. It was what he said next that sent the redhead into a mental seizure.

"They also told me to tell you to prepare yourself for a thorough evaluation."

So doomed. He was so doomed.

In fact, poor Fire God (Its KAGAMI dammit! – Kagami) got so stressed over it that on the day itself he actually called Midorima up and asked what his horoscope ranking was and what lucky item he needed. Then, being the sympathetic tsundere that he was, the Shutoku number 6 told him his ranking was last, his lucky item was a condom and to shut the hell up before putting down the phone.

Damn, so he was still mad about the 'Call Me Maybe' moment back in episode 10.

Well that aside, he was already completely wiped out by the time Kuroko asked him if he was ready to go. Look, he didn't know that it was so improper for a person of his age to buy condoms off the top shelf of the counter right before he went to school! His classmates did it all the time back in America. The lady behind the counter even offered to refer him to a sex addiction counseling hotline. WHAT WAS THE WORLD COMING TO DAMMIT.

Well in any case, he managed to get one. Vanilla-flavoured. Oh goodness just WHY did it have to be vanilla-flavoured?

Kuroko tried convincing himself that his boyfriend was still in perfect mental condition when Kagami kept staring at the condom he kept turning about in his hands and muttering something about vanilla, safe sex, and stupid carrots.

"Are you alright? Kagami-kun."

"…no."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Meeting your parents, that's what."

"…is it a problem with me?"

Red eyes stared into blank blue.

"Of course not…but I suppose you are a little too emotionless sometimes."

"I see. In that case I shall try to express my feelings more."

They soon arrived at his house, he had to call Kagami five times before he turned around and backtracked. Nothing more was discussed about the topic.

The Seirin number 10 was going to be honest. He did not notice the house there at all. It was just so…unnoticeable. The plate bearing the Kuroko name looked as if it only showed itself if one was looking for it – hard. Even as they entered the gate, there was practically nothing differentiating it from the unoccupied house next to it. How creepy. The only indication that there was someone living in there was the presence of the family name plate.

"Tadaima. I brought Kagami-kun."

There was no reply, and the teal-haired boy motioned for the other to take off his shoes just like he did before making their way to the living room.

"Ah, welcome home, Tetsuya."

Kagami jumped about two feet in the air as he whipped around to find Kuroko tou-san standing behind him.

"So how was school today?"

This time, he nearly hit the ceiling when he saw Kuroko kaa-san magically appearing behind Kuroko. Then again…perhaps he shouldn't be surprised. The boy seemed to pull his 'disappearing act' at least once every hour during school hours and at least once every minute during practice. He HAD to have gotten that from somewhere.

The Kuroko family was actually very normal. Kuroko kaa-san had teal hair with stunning violet eyes and a gentle smile. Kuroko tou-san too had teal hair, but his eyes were a bright orange and he was rather well-built. Both seemed to care for their son a lot by the way they bombarded him with questions about his day and just kept ruffling his hair.

It was so nice observing the family bonding with each other.

But there was one teeny tiny problem.

"Ano I don't mean to interrupt your bonding time but uh…Good day to you, Kuroko-san and Kuroko-san."

The couple did turn to stare at him, and stare they did. Kagami was starting to wonder if he had done something horribly offending until they both spoke.

"Um…who might you be?"

"I'm sorry, we didn't see you there."

Riiiight. He took back what he said about them being normal. It wasn't as if Kuroko did not announce his presence he actually said his name when they entered the door so how in the world could they miss his awesome frame muscular frame of 190cm going through their doorway?! Now they even claimed not to see him when he was standing RIGHT BESIDE their son the entire time! If anything it should be Kuroko who was missed!

Wait…so this was what the smaller boy went through every single day. The redhead immediately sympathized with Kuroko and vowed to treat him better next time.

"I am Kagami Taiga. Ku-Tetsuya's boyfriend…desu."

"I. Am. Happy."

Said Kuroko. With his blank face. The couple nodded and Kuroko kaa-san burst into tears as she dabbed at her eyes dramatically with a white hankerchief.

"Oh my gosh Tetsuya I always knew you were destined to be a bottom!"

…was this woman mental or something?

"Mm. I see you have found someone to top you, Tetsuya. Good work."

…the Kurokos needed to be admitted into the mental asylum. Fast. Maybe he should call Midorima and ask him or something. His old man's a doctor isn't he? Argh why was he even thinking about Midorima all the time he was loyal and faithful to Kuroko only!

The man nodded.

"So, Tetsuya, how do you feel about this?"

"I. Am. Elated."

Said Kuroko. With his blank face.

His wife smiled as she sighed dreamily.

"Ah, how nice it is to be young. I still remember the days I aspired to be a model…but alas. It was not to be. The photographers didn't approach me even when I slipped onto the sets."

"_THAT'S BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T NOTICE YOU!"_...was what Kagami wanted to say. But being the polite and well-mannered boy he was and is, he decided to keep quiet and look like he really sympathized with the sorry plight of his boyfriend's mother.

"And Kagami-kun…is that a…condom you're holding?"

Crap, why of all people did it have to be Kuroko tou-san who saw it first?!

"W-Wait this is not what it looks like! I can expl-"

"That will not be necessary. I just ask that you keep the noise level down."

"Yes, and remember to always use protection!"

Said Kuroko kaa-san, as she deposited a twelve piece-pack of the contraceptive into his lap and gave him a thumbs up and a proud nod. Kuroko tou-san even faked wiping a tear from his eye.

The Seirin center just wondered if it was even legal for parents to encourage their children to engage in this kind of behaviour.

They ended up sitting around the living room like all parents do when they meet the one their child has supposedly fallen in love with. Kuroko kaa-san was still gushing over how her son had 'finally grown up' while Kuroko tou-san took out a photo album from the drawer and handed it to the redhead.

"This, is the compilation of our family photos."

Kagami flipped through the book. All he saw was scenery, scenery and more scenery.

"I'm afraid I don't get your drift, Kuroko-sa-"

He paused. Then he looked through the album again. Teal, teal, teal and more teal. Blank blue eyes, blank violet eyes, blank brown eyes, and more blank blue eyes.

"HOLY CRAP!"

Were the Kurokos inbreeding with each other or something?! They all looked basically alike! They should seriously make their family crest using that blank stare or something.

"I. Am. Bored."

Said Kuroko. With his blank face.

"Is something the matter, Kagami-kun?"

"No…everything is fine, Kuroko-san."

Yeah, everything BUT fine.

* * *

**xXF-A-M-I-L-YXx**

* * *

"Tetsuya is such a nice boy isn't he, Hotaru? I mean, I have never quite met another boy as polite as him."

"Of course. He is always so polite and helpful, his report card always says he is quiet and respectful, I'm so proud of him!"

"Arigatou."

Kagami wondered how Kuroko's report card could say things like that considering the teachers forgot him on a daily basis and their form teacher even went "I had this student in my class?" when he was collecting forms for an excursion. There was even a rumour about ghosts doing clean-up duty on the days Kuroko was supposed to do it. Their class was also constantly 'short of one person' when it came to team games.

And once more, there was absolutely no problem with their conversation except…

"Um excuse me…"

…they seemed to have forgotten completely about him.

The two Kurokos jumped and stared at him. Kuroko kaa-san looked absolutely surprised.

"Oh my, Kagami-kun! I'm sorry, I didn't notice you there!"

…_yeah, I figured as much._

"Boy, you should really make your presence more obvious. I seriously missed you there!"

…_right. And how am I supposed to do that? Teach pigs how to fly?_

"Oh come to think of it, we haven't introduced ourselves yet! I'm Hayato and this is Hotaru. Dear me, it must have slipped our minds!"

"I. Am. Feeling. Ridiculous."

Said Kuroko. With his blank face.

Kagami was starting to think Kuroko's family could give a brand new definition to the phrase 'mentally unstable' (because seriously, who forgets to introduce themselves to a complete stranger?) in the dictionary. Maybe he should just do them a favor and send their pictures to the dictionary publishing companies or something.

Kuroko Hayato had twinkling bright orange orbs for eyes and Kuroko Hotaru had beautiful violet ones for hers, while Kuroko Tetsuya had plain blue ones for his. Almost as if someone had splashed water on him, the redhead blurted out his question.

"Um…Kuroko-san, if you have orange eyes and your wife has violet eyes…how did your son Ku- Tetsuya get…blue eyes?"

The couple blinked simultaneously.

"I had a husband?"

"I had a wife?"

"They were my parents?"

The first year center was quite ready to pack his bags and move to another planet. Like maybe Mars . It sure sounded like a good choice. If he went there he could blend in with his awesome hair. Kagami continues making plans for his voyage even as he finds wedding pictures in the album and shows it to them like it would help them regain some of their sanity.

"…oh. So we are married. I didn't notice."

"No wonder that purple dress was in my wardrobe! It was my wedding dress!"

He then turns to Kuroko (Tetsuya).

"Were you serious when you said you didn't know they were your parents?"

He nods.

"Hai. They are actually my aunt and uncle."

"…wait. Does this man I'm going to have to come AGAIN, just to meet your real parents?!"

"Yes."

The redhead feels his world breaking apart, complete with the apocalyptic universe where basketball did not exist and where there were no cheeseburgers. He snaps.

"Then why the hell did you not tell me earlier?! And don't give me that pokerface, I don't know what your feeling, dammit!"

"I'm sorry, I forgot. And Kagami-kun…"

Kuroko stares into Kagami's soul.

"I. Am. Feeling. Proud. That. You. Survived."

Said Kuroko. With his blank face.

"DON'T SAY THAT WHEN I HAVE YET TO MEET YOUR PARENTS!"

The shorter boy looks up at his agitated boyfriend.

"Actually, you have. Those really were my parents. I was merely joking."

Said boyfriend turned an unhealthy pale shade that would have looked fine on Kuroko and only Kuroko. He sighed and slid his hands over his face.

"…geez. Don't joke about things like that."

And thus they enjoyed some lovey-dovey hugging time until Kuroko kaa-san called out for Kuroko from the kitchen. The freshman couple entered the kitchen where there was already quite a few things cooking. Kagami wondered at how one woman could handle so many things at once without the need to call for the fire brigade.

"Ah Tetsuya, do you think you could help me get the jar on top of that shelf?"

"…mom. I am no taller than you and the dad broke the ladder while trying to catch birds the other day."

Kagami did not want to know how he used that ladder.

"Oh my…this is a big problem…"

So the woman's eyes travelled over the stove, the table, Kagami, the fridge, the sink, then back to the fridge, Kagami, the table, and the stove. She sighed and leaned against the counter.

"…what should I do?! I really need what's in there!"

And for the third time in the same day, Kagami Taiga tried to make his presence known. So this is how living as a Kuroko would be like.

"…Kuroko-san. I believe I can reach that shelf where the jar you need is?"

The woman jumped and nearly tripped over a rug.

"Oh my…Kagami-kun?! Where did you come from?!"

Patience, patience, Taiga. You need to last the rest of the day if you are to gain their approval to date Kuroko! You must be the very best boyfriend like no one ever was! The boy even nodded to himself and started humming the related pokemon theme song to get himself motivated.

Just then Kuroko tou-san entered the kitchen.

"Are? Has Kagami-kun already left? I don't see him anywhere."

"Maybe he has, dear. Oh but I do wish he could have told us before he went, that sweet boy."

The couple was saying that. All while standing right across from him.

His patience meter was already in the danger zone and it was barely late afternoon.

* * *

**xXF-A-M-I-L-YXx**

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_Kuroko brought me to meet his parents today. While I am vaguely amused by their attempt to treat me as one of their own, I get the feeling it is not on purpose. I am very thankful for having met Kuroko and being his boyfriend, and as such I ask the deities above to grant me adequate patience and tolerance to deal with my future in-laws. It would be greatly appreciated._

_PS I'm going to kill that bastard Midorima. Leo's lucky item for the day is not a friggin condom dammit!_

_=Taiga=_

* * *

_**~Owari~**_

* * *

**I'll be honest and admit this idea stemmed completely from my inner desire to see Kuroko pull Misdirection Overflow on Kagami. The idea was simply too good to pass up.**

**So um…leave a review to tell me what you think? **

**Next up: AkaKuro! (maybe)**

**Posted: 21/02/2013 (dd/mm/yyyy)**


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